Sibling relationships influence everything from childhood obesity and diet to marriage success and mental health later in life.
For Sarah Van Horn, a Minnesota-based surgical nurse, growing up as a twin and as one of six siblings came with its share of rivalries as well as memory-building good times.
“We got along on some days and other days bickered. My middle brother and I fought a lot over the dumbest things such as looking at each other or making a noise that annoyed each other,” Van Horn said. “For my twin brother and I, we were best friends growing up.”
While her childhood was marked by both playful camaraderie and inevitable squabbles, it reflects a broader reality about the intricate nature of brotherly and sisterly bonds.
Healthier Childhood Diets, Less Obesity
From early on, the presence of siblings influences not only a children’s personality and character development, but also lifestyle habits. A cross-sectional analysis, published in 2019 in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, examined the differences in children’s diets and eating patterns via questionnaires and dietary logs among 68 mother-child pairs, in which 41 participating children had siblings, and 27 did not.
Researchers found that the sibling groups practiced healthier eating behaviors than the singleton children did, including eating more family meals and drinking less sugary beverages and other empty calories.
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More Likely to Stay Married
Your sister or brother may also, inadvertently, be helping you stay married.
Why might this be? Those childhood fights with your brother, the treats that were split and shared, and the empathy that was shown when your sister broke her arm, all provided a rich training ground for your adult relationships.
May Ward Off Loneliness and Depression
Loneliness and social isolation are commonly reported among older adults, especially among those living alone, not working, or in poor physical or mental health.
Support for Cognitive Health
If you typically win at Scrabble, complete multi-step problems with ease, and remember where your car keys are, you may have your siblings to thank for that, too. Your interactions with each other may be helping you both in terms of staying mentally sharp as the years go by.
Researchers pointed out that, interestingly, while the “mere presence” of siblings benefits cognitive development during a person’s younger years, frequency of contact, whether in person or via phone or electronic means, was key to supporting cognitive health in later adulthood.
They suggested that “siblings play a crucial role in providing companionship for older adults through regular, frequent contact and interactions, potentially compensating for the decline in their overall social engagement,” therefore offering potential cognitive benefits along the way.
Conflict Management
All of these benefits come with an important caveat—they apply to sibling relationships that are primarily characterized by warm or positive interactions.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. “[Children] learn a lot by fighting with their siblings, and it’s a very safe relationship for them to figure out how to do this, right?” Gilligan said.
“[We must help] children to develop the skills and competencies they need … so that they can have reasonable disagreements with a sibling, stand their ground, talk about their point of view, not necessarily give in to a more powerful sibling, and to do that in the midst of also having very positive interactions with their sibling,” Gilligan added.
The Harm of Playing Favorites
As every parent knows, children are acutely aware of whether something is “fair” or not—and ongoing perceptions of unfair preferential treatment among siblings can lead to ongoing conflict into adulthood.
“I have studied parental differential treatment or favoritism in middle age, into people’s 60s, a much different stage of a life course. What we find is very consistent,” Gilligan said. “Children, adult children in this case, often perceive favoritism … [If] they feel that it’s just or fair, it doesn’t seem to be as consequential,” she added.
“But if they do not perceive that it is just or fair, it has large consequences for their relationships with their sibling and also their psychological well-being.” She goes on to explain that those negative memories and feelings will likely be carried with them for decades.
What Parents Can Do
Keeping kids from fighting with their siblings may be as likely as snowing in August, but there are a few tools parents can use to help their children successfully navigate conflict.
Not taking sides when siblings argue, encouraging open communication, sharing details of each others’ lives, and being intentional about creating positive, shared family experiences (such as game nights or family trips) can help foster a warm and positive environment where sibling relationships can grow.
Never Too Late
Researchers have observed that sibling relationships tend to have high levels of “durability,” meaning that the patterns and relationships that are established during childhood and adolescence—whether positive or negative—are likely to continue into adulthood, unless some type of significant intervening event occurs. This makes it all the more important to nurture and encourage warm sibling relationships from early on—but also throughout life.
When it comes to nurturing sibling relationships, “better late than never” applies—efforts to strengthen these relationships at any time, even in adulthood, carry the possibility of benefits later in life. “We carry those early relationships with us on our well-being outcomes,” Gilligan said on the podcast. “These are relationships we carry with us in adulthood and we carry the consequences with them.”
Van Horn relates that as adults, her appreciation for her siblings has deepened. “As we all left for college, we came home with a greater appreciation of our siblings and were greater friends. Today when we gather together, we tend to have a lot of laughter and joking around as siblings,” she added. “We enjoy our times together and look forward to holidays or other gatherings.”
