New research shows parents pass down qualities that safeguard their children and grandchildren from loneliness in our increasingly disconnected world.
Precious family heirlooms and physical traits are not the only things passed down from generation to generation.
A 25-year study published in 2024 followed families across three generations and found that empathy is a trait that endures over time and across relationships. The “empathy blueprints” we receive from our parents are paid forward, shaping how we connect with our friends and, later, how we nurture our children.
Intergenerational Effects of Empathy
The quarter-century longitudinal study, published in Child Development, demonstrated that mothers’ empathy toward their 13-year-olds predicted the teens’ empathy toward their close friends in adolescence—ages 13 to 19. These teens went on to become empathic parents, which predicted their own children’s empathy.
“Good parents teach their children important life skills, and empathy—particularly the ability to accurately ‘read’ other people—is among the most important of those skills,” William Ickes, social and personality psychologist and distinguished professor of psychology, told The Epoch Times in an interview.
Empathy is such an important skill because it facilitates meaningful social connection, which has serious implications for health and well-being.
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“We fail to realize how critical relationships are and how lonely we’ve become as a society,” educational psychologist and best-selling author Michele Borba said in an interview with The Epoch Times.
The Emptiness Epidemic and Empathy Eroded
Empathy arises in infancy, nurtured through intimate face-to-face interactions. “The seeds of empathy are planted in our parent-child relationships, where our babies first learn trust, attachment, empathy, and love,” writes Borba.
However, the digital age disrupts these essential interactions. In a world mediated by screens, the conditions needed for empathy to flourish are eroding.
“You don’t find anything more except the surface of the person,” Borba said, emphasizing how our plugged-in worlds have diminished our capacities to connect meaningfully. “We just can’t read each other like we used to.”
“Self-absorption kills empathy, the foundation of humanity,” writes Borba in her book “UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.” Young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, showing an increase in peer cruelty, academic cheating, weak moral reasoning, and poor mental health, said Borba.
“Our kids’ well-being is at stake, but so too is their empathy. As anxiety increases, empathy wanes: it’s hard to feel for others when you’re in ‘survival mode,’ and that’s the state of too many of our children. That creates a so-called empathy gap,” Borba writes.
Dimensions of Empathy
The word empathy comes from the German word “einfühlung,” which means “feeling into.” It’s usually understood as intuiting and inhabiting another person’s inner life, taking on another’s feelings as your own—to “walk in someone else’s shoes.” It is an important aspect of emotional intelligence.
Neuroscience has traced two types of empathy, supported by independent brain networks: emotional empathy, which involves instinctively feeling and mirroring another’s feelings, and cognitive empathy, consisting of understanding another’s thoughts.
Sensitive parenting requires both forms of empathy. Emotional empathy allows parents to sense and respond to their infant’s pain as if they were feeling it themselves. Cognitive empathy enables parents to infer their infant’s thoughts, imaginatively decipher nonverbal intentions, and plan caregiving responses.
One particular application of empathy is everyday mind reading, or the attempt to glean the thoughts and feelings of others. For example, if a friend is unusually quiet during lunch, you may infer they are stressed about an upcoming exam. Ickes, who has studied this phenomenon for over twenty years and has largely contributed to its definition, says empathic accuracy is basically the extent to which everyday mind-reading attempts are successful.
Don’t Forget Fathers
For decades, research on parenting empathy and secure attachment has centered almost entirely on mothers. However, a recent comprehensive meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin in 2024 demonstrated that paternal sensitivity is just as critical as maternal sensitivity for fostering healthy child attachment. For mothers, sensitivity is linked to a 26 percent improvement in the strength of the bond with their children and a 21 percent improvement for fathers. The difference of only 5 percentage points indicates that both parents play a significant role in their children’s emotional security.
Empathy Is a Verb
What if you are a child raised by less empathic parents? Does this mean you are fated to a life of emotional confusion strewn with missed connections? Not necessarily.
“There’s always hope, but hope starts with awareness,” said Borba.
In a moment of connection with a difficult-to-soothe six-month-old infant, Evan transformed Darren’s sense of self. Recognizing Evan’s unease with touch—much like his own—Darren gently soothed and calmed Evan, experiencing the power of providing emotional sustenance for the first time. This moment allowed Darren to see himself in a new identity—not as unwanted but capable of providing love and connection.
Accordingly, Borba said empathy should be seen as a verb—something active and practiced through deliberate habits. Cultivating habits like recognizing emotions, understanding others’ perspectives, self-regulating painful emotions, and practicing kindness helps shift our focus from “me” to “we,” she shared.
When returning Evan to his mother, Darren asked the question of a lifetime. “If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you could still be a good father?” Of course, you can, said Borba.
Most importantly, it’s never too late. “All you have to do is reach out and feel. … How wonderful for [Evan] to give [Darren] a new sense of identity, so [Darren] sees himself as a person who could give back. What an enormous concept. You act how you see yourself to be.”
Empathic Rebirth and Enduring Emotional Legacy
“Empathy, if you do it a lot, changes your identity. You begin to see yourself as a caring person … as more resilient,” said Borba. Making a habit of practicing empathy is a transformative gift that forges new identities. It makes the giver and receiver happier and healthier and extends its impact beyond the present moment, affecting future generations.
While we often hear about trauma passed down through generations, research such as this sheds light on the opposite phenomenon—the transmission of empathy—an essential psychological sustenance. By modeling active listening and nurturing our children’s emotional resilience, we shape not only our children’s futures but the emotional legacy of generations to come.
Empathy goes beyond sentimental embellishment. When we teach our children to see the world through another’s eyes, we’re planting seeds that grow into a meaningful and generative life.
“Empathy is like a superpower,” said Borba. “It’s a well-being and happiness factor that we’re clearly overlooking.”
